So things in the last week have made life well.... hard to say the least. Things have started to pile up to the point that I start to wonder when I might just crack. We all know that life is never just easy. There are hurdles that start to get in our way and we have to simply take them one at a time until we reach that straight stretch again with nothing in our way. Right now the hurdles are one on top of another, a pile if you must, and it reaches to the sky. It started with a minor problem, having one of those weeks at the bakery where I am doing my 12 week internship. While there were things going right throughout the day, it would be the one bad thing that I screwed up that would ruin everything that went right. Yes I am the intern, a person that is supposed to be learning. I have to keep telling myself that. Everything that was going wrong mainly stemmed from a lack of information about the ways things were supposed to done at this location. Okay, fine, I can fix that. Lesson learned. But at the same time I am a perfectionist and one wrong move will make me kick my own ass for days.
While this was happening, and I was trying to tell myself that I had still made the right decision as a baker and not to retire after 5 weeks, I got more news. Tigger, our cat that had decided he loved it at my parents house so much he was moving in permanently, was missing. While he was no longer living with us I still considered him one of my "kids". Yes I am one of those crazy ones that considers my pets as my kids. These little guys may be as close as I might ever get to having kids in my lifetime so therefor they are my kids. No I don't dress them up.... okay maybe once or twice as a hilarious joke.... but I love them as one of my own. So the thought that one of my own was out in the world by himself, lost, or worse made me lose it. A panic attack kicked in and I balled my eyes out. Two days later and he has yet to be found. I can hope someone found him and took him in as their own but in my mind, the worst case scenario always kicks in first. And then, it only got worse.
The worst news I could hear simply put me into a full shock mode last night and only now am I starting to be able to comprehend everything. My mom let me know she found a lump, and a biopsy is being done on Monday to see if it's indeed breast cancer. She had went to the doctor yesterday and they said it didn't look good and wanted further testing. They said it was only in one area which was a good thing but that one area was not good. Luckily in today's society, where breast cancer is becoming more and more frequent, there is a much higher percentage of women that are living through this and going on to lead normal... healthy lives. After watching my mother-in-law fight this like a champ, with two different types of breast cancer and not given very good possibilities to make it through, I know my mom can do the same. My mother-in-law has been in remission for some time and has moved on with life... enjoying playing with her grand kids among other things! When my mom told us I couldn't say anything cause of the sheer shock, thinking this was happening to my mom of all people is at the top of worse things to happen. But both myself and Max will be with her through this process every step of the way and we love her very much. Hopefully she knows that, since I have never been good about expressing my feelings (and better at writing it!). This will be an easy fight, so she can get on with life.
So today, luckily, I got an extra day off and I am spending it at home. Emotionally and physically drained, I need to have a pajama day with my kitties while I knit away. The only way to calm down right now is to knit, and keep knitting. I need to be strong for my mom, I need to be strong while we try to find Tigger, and I need to know I can bake the hell out of anything I want and I just need to give this baking thing time to sink in at this new job. Life will get better, for everyone. It's time to start climbing the hill of hurdles cause I will make it over them, to move on with life.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Before leaving Portland I headed into one of my new favorite yarn stores called Happy Knits. Thinking I was going in for just a single ball of yarn, I walked by the cutest knitted shirt that was being displayed. Suddenly I stop and analyze the project. No too hard, mostly one piece (no seaming....), very cute feather and fan pattern in the front. Then I looked at the tag and saw that it was only 8 balls of yarn to do the project. Now if you have looked at a lot of projects in knitting magazines like Vogue Knitting, you will find that many of them can take up to 20 balls of yarn at some instances. Then you times that by the price of the yarn and suddenly faint! Luckily the yarn for this project was fairly inexpensive. Then, after going through this and telling myself I need to finish the projects I have going on, the woman working at the time notices me looking at the knitted shirt and mentions the yarn she used to make it. Once I felt the cotton and cashmere combo I was hooked. I suddenly was creating a good reason in my head for why I should add yet another project to the multitude of projects that are currently in the wings. So before I knew it I had the yarn at home and was getting cast on for this obviously cute project for my mom for her 50th birthday. I finished it up this past week and got it to my mom, with a sigh of relief. I had knitted so fast to get it done for her birthday that my hands were cursing me. But it turned out beautiful and I got a call from my mom later that day saying that it fit perfect.... that made the crippled hands feel a little better. Nothing is worse than knitting your heart out to end up with a project that doesn't fit the person you were knitting it for. At least with babies or kids you know someday they will fit into it (if it's a little big).... even if it may be 5 years down the road! So another project done and I have already started on the next one, a lace shawl. My first one with some awesome colored Malabrigo lace weight yarn that I purchased (yet again) at Happy Knits. Maybe it's a good thing I finally moved home to Bend. Any longer and I might have been financially supporting the whole store with each of my projects I purchased from them. They would have had to name one of the rooms after me. Scary thought.